and I'm stuck
But I only left home yesterday
I've lost every part of me except you.
I feel like I've sat here long enough
In this black hole of a town
Dreams can't take me anywhere
With what's holding me down
I've lost every part of me except you
And I need you to listen
Cause this won't be easy to do
I've gotta leave
I've gotta make my own way
That's pretty much how I feel. I don't have a fucking clue what to do with myself. I sit around the house all day and wish I were doing something. I like photography, but any dickwad with a camera is a fucking professional photographer and there's too much supply-not enough demand. This is a shitty economy, who the fuck wants to PAY for pictures?
I could go to college, but that's spending money I don't have to get a degree that won't get me a job anyway.
I can sing, but I can name fifteen people I went to high school with who are better at it.
I DON'T want to be a mom yet.
I like cooking, and everyone seems to enjoy what I create out of random shit in the kitchen. Maybe I could take that somewhere.
I have absolutely no fucking clue. I recite prayers on the way to work. It makes me feel better, but I don't go to church. Pretty much because I'm lazy and I don't like putting myself out in the open.
I was thinking about joining the church choir, but I find the director super fucking annoying. Very "holier than thou" type of lady.
I'm gonna go watch the Bruins with Sean.
Today
Report · 10:03am
ft sill
Report · 10:04am
idk :(
, i was gonna try for easter but it looks like thatll be a no go so yea the next time i will get leave will prolly be august
, i was gonna try for easter but it looks like thatll be a no go so yea the next time i will get leave will prolly be august:(
Report · 10:05am
but on a bright note im gonna buy a new car today i think
ohh rachel :( , i believe in you lo l
, i believe in you lo l Report · 10:06am
dunno yet, im kinda just doin it cause i have had a shitty week and it seems about the right time to get one so yea lol
Report · 10:07am
'damn i feel shitty....I'mma buy a car!!'
Report · 10:07am
lol :)
well i have been lookin to get one for a while just never got around tlo it , so yea seems like the thing to do to pick me up ya know lol
Report · 10:09am
why so shitty?
Report · 10:10am
alot of stuff , like for a few weeks i was like kinda lonely and have been thinking that i really just want to be in a real relationship again as oppsed to what had been working just fine and yea that threw me off cause i was like wtf i liked the system i had and now i cant stop thinking i want to date someone which friggen sucks lol
but just when i thought it was all good andi was happy , cause i was supposed to get pg for my platoon
i was supposed to start on mon
Report · 10:11am
pg? guide?
Report · 10:12am
i found out tlast night that a fellow classmate of mine went and bitch to a sgt about how she wanted it yet she has literally done nothing to deserve it and for some reason they changed there mind
*yes platoon guide , its like pc in rotc
Report · 10:12am
what a cunt
Report · 10:13am
but you dont get it rachel like im actually motvated here and i actually do like everything like i sound off march people and clean lol hell ive been running the pt for the past 3 weeks
Report · 10:13am
oh snapp
Report · 10:14am
so yea im furious with her cause she knew i was working my ass off for it
Report · 10:14am
you didnt go back and talk to them, did you?
Report · 10:15am
i couldnt they told me like 5 min before we were released for the weekend like i couldnt even defend myself
it was total bs
so yea i reacted by buying alot of peple ihop and leaving the waitress a 40 dollar tip lol
Report · 10:16am
lol
ummm kinda
me and the person who was giving me a ride followed close behind her car and flickered the brights while honking the horn :p
lol
Report · 10:17am
ahhhhhhhhhhahahahahaa
Report · 10:17am
that's awesome!
Report · 10:17am
oh and later we saw her and her bf in her car in the parking lot so we pulled up behind and did it it again lol
yea
umm
not too proud of this but hey i think she got the message lol
Report · 10:19am
Well if she's not all that great like you said...
Report · 10:19am
hows yours been besides subway
Report · 10:19am
then she'll be done with pretty soon
and you'll look even better takin over and showing her up!
Report · 10:20am
actually she is terrible , she cant sound off , she doesnt ever volunteer for shit and she cant march for shit , oh yea and she can barely muster the courage to talk to an nco she is pathetic
yea lol im hopin for that
Report · 10:20am
things over here are pretty good tho
Report · 10:21am
well thats good im glad
Report · 10:21am
in a pretty serious relationship right now, so.. :p
you know, i think everything happens for a reason
Report · 10:22am
oh wow , thats great rachel
Report · 10:22am
i feel like you're being sarcastic ahaha
Report · 10:22am
haha ssurprising no
but nah seriously thats great , your awesome rachel and its good your withj someone :)
Report · 10:22am
<3<3<3
thanks lee (:
i bet once you get out of touch-my-sister-town you'll feel a lot better!
kinda random, but are you still, like...practicing?
being Catholic, I mean
Report · 10:25am
haha your welcome rachel , lmfao yes im sure i will actually cause hopefully i go to ft bragg after this
lol nice timing on that question
Report · 10:27am
and yes i am still practicing catholic , not really goin to church , the churches here suck , but i read my bible quote on my phone every day , and pray and try to keep myself in check so i would say yes
haha nah i just meant the space between the question i read it wrong lol
Report · 10:28am
oh haha
Report · 10:30am
yea lol i was in dirty mind mode
Report · 10:31am
lol ummmmm tough question
i plead the fifth , lol i would like to say in church but even there my mind roams lol
Report · 10:32am
haha nice :p but I gotta run kid I have to be at work in 15
but I gotta run kid I have to be at work in 15 <lj-cut text="From AIM to FaceBook">
11:36pmSeth
yo loser
11:38pmRachel
hey kid
11:38pmSeth
sup
11:38pmRachel
nm...hwk
hbu?
11:39pmSeth
same workin on projects
11:39pmRachel
i feel your pain
11:42pmSeth
yuppers i gottta work tom an i really dont want toooooo
11:42pmRachel
oh dangg
morning or afternoon?
11:43pmSeth
afternoon
any luck with your joe boy
11:44pmRachel
ugh.
he's not MINE lol
and no bc im not trying
11:45pmSeth
lol im sorry well im sure a jersey boy will come along
11:46pmSeth
ugh im fin tired
be entertaining dam
11:47pmRachel
lol wowww
ok
OMG SETH UR THE BEST
PLZ MAKE OUT WITH MEEE
11:47pmSeth
thats right keepin it
whoaaaa
11:48pmRachel
hahahaha
11:48pmSeth
gotta be of age sorry
lol hahaha
11:48pmRachel
oh snapp.
11:48pmSeth
i kno i busted your bubble
11:48pmRachel
well damn baby i;ll be any age u like
11:48pmSeth
your crazy the law doesnt say that lol
i think that amber chick likes me but a lil shorter then im used too
11:49pmRachel
aw geez
11:49pmSeth
hwat
what
11:49pmRachel
see u like those stick figure girls too!!!
11:49pmSeth
amber not a stick figure she got a lil bit
11:49pmRachel
....
right/
11:49pmSeth
omg
11:49pmRachel
except NOT.
lol what
11:50pmSeth
amber got a chest an a butt
11:50pmRachel
hahaha CREEP
11:50pmSeth
yea shes skinny but she has sometin plus punk rocker aint my type
plz i garruntee her eyes check me over numerous times
11:51pmRachel
ah...wow.
lol ur soooo cocky
11:51pmSeth
im not cocky i dont hae a big ego im an average guy thats all i thihnk
thikn
think
11:51pmRachel
lol
11:52pmSeth
jesus
11:52pmRachel
11:52pmSeth
i dont what your sister says how i walk i think i walk normal
"So give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
I'll give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my life for you"
In My Life - The Beatles
"Out of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares to you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things who came before
I know I'll often stop and think about you
In my life I love them all"
With Arms Wide Open - Creed
"With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open"
My Sacrifice - Creed
"When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice"
Higher - Creed
"Can you take me Higher
To a place where blind men see
Can you take me Higher
To a place with golden streets"
Life has it's ups and its downs.
That's for damn sure.
Do you ever feel out of place;
Like somehow you just don't belong
And noone understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With your radio on turned up so loud
So noone hears you screamin'?"
----------------------------------------
Loved by everyone is what I'm dying to be. I can't. No one can. And yet I try. It backfires, too, beacuse although I try to please there's a small part of me that kicks in and says:
Hey.
Chill. You don't need to do that for them.
Why would you?
And then I regret it later. Why? Because it's who I am.
He tries so hard for me.
So damn hard.
I love him for it, and yet it never shows.
He might leave me soon. And I feel like I'm dying.
Dying in a world by myself where I'm trapped and I can never do what I want or say what I mean.
Ever.
Ever. Ever. Ever.
And I really do love him. In that if-you-leave-I'll-probobly-commit-suicid
He's going off to college soon. I'm going to be sad without him, but not too drastically sad.
Sad enough.
I can live through it, and I know I can. What I don't know is why.
I trust him.
Maybe that's why I can let him go.
Probobly.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Tru dat.
:)
lol, jk
I love my job at Dunkin' Donuts.
I get to talk to people all the time and mess with people I don't even know!
It's great!
lol, because I'll never see them again it's even better.
*sigh*
I need to sleep.
I love him. :D
lol, jk
I love my job at Dunkin' Donuts.
I get to talk to people all the time and mess with people I don't even know!
It's great!
lol, because I'll never see them again it's even better.
*sigh*
I need to sleep.
I love him. :D
John Fogerty - Green River
Boston - Long Time/Foreplay
Carpenters, The - Yesterday Once More
- Mood:
really, really good - Music:Carpenters, The - Yesterday Once More
( :/ )
I saw Happy Feet!
and it was really, really, really good.
no, seriously.
It is like, the best animated movie ever.
There were Spanish penguins.
& it reminded me of Camacho, Yanez, Angel, + Chico.
I saw it with (the amazing) Nikki.
Comment to be added.
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